Chuck Norris Facts - 24 JAN 2014

• When Alexander Bell invented the telephone he had 3 missed calls from Chuck Norris
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• Fear of spiders is aracnaphobia, fear of tight spaces is chlaustraphobia, fear of Chuck Norris is called Logic
  
  
• Chuck Norris has a grizzly bear carpet in his room. The bear isn't dead it is just afriad to move.
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't call the wrong number. You answer the wrong phone.
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• There used to be a street named after Chuck Norris, but it was changed because nobody crosses Chuck Norris and lives.
  
  
• Chuck Norris died 20 years ago, Death just hasn't built up the courage to tell him yet.
  
  
• If you rate this 5 roundhouse kicks, then Chuck Norris WILL roundhouse kick Justin Bieber's ass.
  
  
• Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life.
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• Some magicans can walk on water, Chuck Norris can swim through land.
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• Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants.
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the sh*t out of it
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• Chuck Norris can cut through a hot knife with butter
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• Chuck Norris once urinated in a semi truck's gas tank as a joke....that truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
  
  
• Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice.
  
  
• Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
  
  
• Death once had a near-Chuck Norris experience
  
  
• Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
  
  
• When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night, he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack. His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once got bit by a rattle snake........ After three days of pain and agony ..................the rattle snake died
  
  
• When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down.
  
  
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can light a fire by rubbing two ice-cubes together.
  
  
• The original title for Alien vs. Predator was Alien and Predator vs Chuck Norris.
  
  
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. HE decides what time it is.
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
  
  
• Chuck Norris made a Happy Meal cry.
  
  
• Chuck Norris' hand is the only hand that can beat a Royal Flush.
  
  
• Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
  
  
• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.
  
  
• Outer space exists because it's afraid to be on the same planet with Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas.
  
  
• Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of surprise.
  
  
• If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
  
  
• Chuk Norris can actually understand a woman's mind.
  
  
• They once made a Chuck Norris toilet paper, but there was a problem: It wouldn't take shit from anybody.
  
  
• Chuck Norris is the only man to punch a cyclops between the eyes
  
  
• When Chuck Norris crosses the street, cars look both ways for Chuck Norris.
  
  
• What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died? His shoe.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can stab a knife with a man
  
  
• Uri Geller bends spoons with his mind, Chuck Norris bends minds with a spoon
  
  
• Chuck Norris does'nt turn on the lights, he turns off the dark.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once stared at the sun for hours... the sun then blinked.
  
  
• Aliens are real, they're just hiding from Chuck Norris
  
  
• Chuck norris can sufficate a pillow with a man.
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn, he stands on the porch and dares it to grow
  
  
• Chuck Norris killed his living room. It is now just "the room".
  
  
• Chuck Norris once took a CPR class, this way he can kill you, revive you, and kill you again